Dealing with disappointment and failure
Disappointment. It cuts you to the bone and it's one emotion that (for me anyway) is very difficult to deal with. I don't mean the kind of instant disappointment like the kind you get when you open a sandwich up and find that it's not as tasty as it looks. I mean the slow and gradual kind. The kind that builds up for months or even years. You're not really aware it's there until it slams you in the face one morning.
Failure goes hand in hand with disappointment, in fact maybe this is more failure than disappointment. The line between the two is a little blurry right now so I apologise for the confusion and lack of clarity. I'm only certain of one thing though, and that is that it's not a symptom of depression (I hope).
I had this song going through my head this morning. By the way, I've spent all morning contacting job agencies, sending out my CV and basically begging for work. That by the way is the difference between this... disappointment and failure thing and full blown depression by the way. I'm still on my feet standing my ground, but my legs are a little more shaky than they were last month. Things aren't good in the self-employed world right now, but at least I have an income. Some people out there aren't so lucky and for them I feel truly sorry. Well, the ones that aren't scroungers that is.
Oh yes, the song. It was by Pink Floyd and was the title track on "The Final Cut". The words that keep going through my head are "...and far from flying high in clear blue skies...I'm spiraling down to the hole in the ground where I hide." That sums my mood up today perfectly.
I should have been comfortable by now and quite literally flying in a clear blue sky somewhere. Instead, I'm scraping around trying to make it work on one hand and reaching out for some intangible life line with the other. It's not good and it's definitely not fun but I'm sure of one thing, I'll pull through it and come out the other side.
It's the way I choose to deal with it
So, my advice for anyone in the same boat. Pull yourself together man, have a coffee, listen to some music and get on with what you must do. Things could be so much worse, in fact they are for a lot of other people. Most importantly though, stay positive, stay focused and don't let anyone out there put you down!
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